Greetings from Aruba...!

First, I need to apologize for the lack of updates to the site since I've been out of town...

What? I didn't mention I was leaving town?

That's right - I'm actually enjoying day four of my 10-night Southern Caribbean cruise aboard the Adventure of the Seas! I'm spending the holidays with Mom, Dad, and 300 of my nearest and dearest clients... Have no fear, though - it's not "all work and no play."

Speaking of the holidays, I'd like to take this opportunity to offer my best wishes to everybody for a healthy, happy (belated) Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and any other occasion you and your families may celebrate. I'm so sorry for the delay, and hope that your celebration is/was the best ever!

The cruise? So far, so good... After an uneventful flight into San Juan, we boarded the ship on Friday afternoon. From there, we headed to St. Thomas, where I celebrated the 3 1/2 year anniversary of the day I quit smoking... Yesterday was a day at sea, and today was Aruba (which was rather sleepy, as everything was closed for Boxing Day). Tomorrow - on to Curacao!

Oh, and I'm up about $300 in the casino! Xbox 360 - Here I come!

I'll make my best effort to add more updates as the week goes on, but in the mean time, please feel free to check out my pictures from the trip (so far) here:


(The Christmas Tree from the Vivaldi dining room onboard)

You can also access them from the Flickr Badge on the right side of the page...

Enjoy, and again, Happy Holidays!

-El Capitan

"Astro-Carnal" Knowledge

From MSNBC:

Two more rings discovered around Uranus



I know - I'm a child... But it's SO much fun!

-El Capitan

'Tis The Season

You know that you hang out at a particular bar wayyyy too much when this happens:


(L to R: BRR, Blackie, Master Ei-El, LBCapt, Spammy, & JKaye)

This was such a cool gesture, and we all ("we all" being the "Friday Night Freeloaders") appreciated it so much, that I deemed it necessary to post it on here...

The next two Fridays just won't be the same...

-El Capitan

Bigger, Better, Faster, More!

Just a quick note to those who enjoyed the Lazy Sunday post/video lower down on the page - the post has been UPDATED with a larger, louder version of the video.

If you haven't already seen it, go check it out - VERY highly recommended...



-El Capitan

Booyaa, Jim!

Actually, this is NOT a post about Jim Cramer (although I'm sure one will pop up sooner or later)...

This is a post about predictions...

"They" say to always go with your first instinct, as it's usually right... I should have followed "their" advice.

Please click below to read the prediction I made on October 22, 2005:



Sure, over time I wavered, and I had my doubts... I should have stuck with my first instinct...

And, yes, I'm watching the mailbox for my coveted "No-Prize" from Babylon...

-El Capitan

More Lazy Sunday

It just keeps on getting better:



-El Capitan

Who IS The Carver?

I've got my theories... Have you got yours?

Either way, we'll find out tonight - 10:00 PM, FX...

Can't fucking wait!

Don't know what I'm talking about? You should! For the sake of helping you out, though, click here:



-El Capitan

More than I needed to know...

So, I was checking up on my Fantasy Football stats after this week's crazy week (the whole world was turned upside down!)... In a brief moment that I can't get back, I learned more about Santana Moss (the Washington Redskins wide receiver) than I wanted to know...

Suffer with me:



-El Capitan

Dammit!

1 - Gavin Rossdale
0 - El Capitan

I lose again... Looks like Mrs. Gavin Rossdale (Gwen Stefani) has a bun in the oven... Chances that it'll come out looking like me have just taken a tremendous dive...

At any rate, you gotta be happy for one of the few couples who actually gets along with each other in today's celebrity society:



-El Capitan

"Bringing Families Together"

(Sorry guys - the link has been fixed!)

Everything you needed to know about XBox 360, as told by Demetiri Martin and The Daily Show:



A side note about Demetiri Martin:

I got to see his stand up about a year ago, and he was HILARIOUS! He's probably the best young comic I've seen since Mitch Hedberg...

-El Capitan

Lazy Sunday

(Note: The link now goes to a larger, louder version of the video...)

In what is beginning to seem like a weekly SNL ass-kissing around here, I've gotta lay praise yet again on this past weekend's episode.

The highlight? Andy Samberg (already praised here) and Chris Parnell (the "new" Tim Meadows of the SNL cast) team up to form the rap duo...

Their first track? "Lazy Sunday" - A tribute to Mr. Pibb + Red Vines ("= Crazy Delicious!", Google Maps ("True Dat! Double True!"), Cupcakes ("Baker's Dozen!"), and, of course, the "Chronic - What?! - 'Cles of Narnia!"

Check it out here - pure genius:



Somebody's even selling a shirt already:



-El Capitan

Trapped In The Closet

"Daaaaad... Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet..."
-Stan, South Park

For those of you who may have missed it, the "controversial" episode of South Park - the one where Tom Cruise thinks he's a failure in the eyes of a reincarnated L. Ron Hubbard (in the body of Stan), and refuses to come out of the closet - was on last night on Comedy Central. Your next opportunity - December 28/29, at Midnight.

But wait! You don't have to wait until then to see the scene... Thanks to SmitHappens.com, you can check it out right here:



-El Capitan

Watch out for tha......

Get outtathaway!!

That's gonna leave a mark...



-El Capitan

Celebrity Mugshot Poker

I gotta tell ya - Saturday Night Live is on an upswing.

The selection of hosts and musical guests is getting better (Jason Lee, Dane Cook, and Eva Longoria - who isn't so funny as she is hot). The cast is getting better (especially the three newbies - Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, and Kristin Wiig). And, of course, the content is getting better...

Below is the latest display of Robert Smigel's Saturday TV Fun House, entitled Celebrity Mugshot Poker... A new classic!



-El Capitan

Ditka!

- Who would win in a fight - Ditka or a hurricane?
- Ditka!
- But the hurricane's name is... Hurricane Ditka!
- Ahhh.... That's a tough one!
Bill Swerski's Superfans, Saturday Night Live

As a die-hard Bears fan, it is my sworn duty to defend Mike Ditka until the end... It's a little difficult, though, when there are videos like this out there:


This is just really baaaaaad.....

-El Capitan

Stay away, you crazy fuck!

There's nothing that screams "Holiday Season" like the joy of a child as he/she visits Santa Claus at the local mall.

What's that you say? Not all kids love Santa? You'd never be able to tell by the expressions on the kids faces in this gallery:


(Personally, I don't blame this kid above - that Santa looks awfully creepy...)

-El Capitan

What were you thinking?

Directly from Galumpia Adult:

WARNING: THIS SITE CONTAINS IMAGES



Things aren't always as they appear...

Why? What did you think you saw? Sicko!

-El Capitan

Ten reasons...

...to drink during the holidays:



Only ten?

-El Capitan

"Did you touch anything?"

Note: The Link has been fixed!

Imagine being the poor schmoe who just stepped into a biohazard/contaminated room. Now imagine seeing the "bad guys" from ET coming into the room, and telling you that you may never get out alive!

I know I'd crap my pants!

Enjoy this clip from Scare Tactics:



-El Capitan

Quick - Hit "Delete!"

"Somebody" was playing with the computer last night...

Looks like there's some debris in the road during this Traffic Report:



-El Capitan

Filling the crack with Caulk

Being such a huge mark for the View Askewniverse, I've been a big fan of Jason Lee for years - and thus, he can do no wrong (even with crap like A Guy Thing and Kissing A Fool on his roster).

A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Lee - riding his superb performance on My Name Is Earl - was given the opportunity to host Saturday Night Live.

Thanks to GorillaMask, I offer you here the best skit of the night, Fun With Caulk:



-El Capitan

Mag·nil·o·quent·ly

-El Capitan

"It's still real to me, damn it!"

We all need to thank Babylon and GorillaMask.net for this gem:

I've been watching wrestling (professional - WWF/WWE, WCW, ECW, TNA, PWF, Indy promotions) since the age of 6. Sure, when I was a kid, I was the biggest "mark" in the world. And, of course, a part of me still is today.

Apparently, though, I'm just not as big a fan as this poor guy:



-El Capitan

If they only knew...

Irony?



-El Capitan

Yo, ho! Yo, ho! A Pirates Life...

This one is not just for Babylon (and his obsession with all things Pirate) and JKaye ("What's brown and smells like a dog?"), but for anybody who wants to arm themselves with defense when faced with the (baaaad) Pirate Jokes included...



Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

-El Capitan

A Christmas Gory

First, there was The Shining, er, Shining.

Then, Titanic attacked.

Now, this holiday season, prepare for:



What's in the box?

-El Capitan

What's wrong with this picture?

Poker - more specifically Texas Hold 'Em - has gotten so popular lately that it's hard to find a channel on TV without some sort of tournament. My personal fave - the Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo. It's loaded with famous, funny people who are about on the same skill level that I'm at, plus the money goes to charity.

So, here's my question:

What's wrong with this picture?


(Click on the image to read more details about the book.)

-El Capitan

5 Facts About Me

I got nailed by Babylon.

No, not in the biblical sense - that would just be gross. No, Babylon has nailed me with the task of divulging 5 Facts about me to the world.

Here are the directions: Write 5 random facts about yourself, and then list the names of 5 people whom you in turn infect. Also, leave a post to these people letting them know they have been infected.

Here goes:

1. As I've mentioned on here once or twice before, I'm TERRIFIED of lightning. Not just plain 'ol afraid, but seriously crippled by the thought of getting struck (Kuwabara, Kuwabara). And yet, this isn't my biggest fear. My biggest fear is the thought of being buried alive. I'm extremely claustrophobic, and can't think of a worse fate.

2. I was born in Skokie, Illinois - a Northshore suburb of Chicago. The Windy City is truly in my soul. In fact, unlike young Babylon, who considers himself a true South Floridian, I consider myself a Chicagoan trapped in the body (and climate) of a Floridian, (even though I've been here since I'm 3). Don't get me wrong - I love my life, my friends, and my family down here. One of my lifelong dreams was to have all of my friends and family (or at least as many as possible) join me in Chicago, and I had that opportunity just over 5 years ago. It was one of the happiest weekends of my life (all things considered - we'll save that for another day).

3. I am an only child, however I actually see this as one of my best traits - truly important in the way my life has turned out. I grew up making close friends, and I've lived in a way that I take my friends as my brothers and sisters - my extended family. I believe in life long friendships, as some of my best friends (JKaye, Irish, The JC, Dawn, and Face to name a few) have been around for 13 years or more (actually, 15, 20, 21, 22, and 23 years respectively). Even the newer friends (Babylon, Tripp, Master Ei El, Sammy, BRR, all of my boys in ZBT, and the rest of the bunch) are like brothers to me. I was the guy who went to the University of Florida and wasn't intimidated by the population numbers. I saw it as an opportunity to make 45,000 new friends (and some say I was almost successful!).

4. December 24, 2005, at 1:50 PM, will mark 3 1/2 years since I quit smoking. Many thought I couldn't make it one day. I'll admit - it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do (even harder than divorce), but it's also the best thing I've ever done. It is one of my greatest accomplishments, which is somewhat awkward, since I should never have started smoking to begin with (damn Psychology finals!).

5. Initially, I didn't want to start this website. I was extremely hesitant, as I didn't want to dedicate the time or effort to something only one or two people would see. Babylon kept prodding, and one day - to get him off my back - I started posting. I haven't stopped since. This site has been so much fun to produce, and I'd like to thank you ALL for viewing every day. Without the comments, the e-mails, the referrals, and the kind words, FluxW would be nothing. One of these days, I'll get into the origin of the FluxW name, however that name will be going away soon.

What's that you say? Going away?

Don't worry - the site isn't going away, just the URL. In the coming year (more than likely around my birthday - February 20 - for those who want to send cards), I'll be transitioning and relaunching the site over at LBCapt.com - a name that's a little more "me," as it's also my AOL screenname (say "hi!" every once in a while), my GTalk name, and my Xbox Gamertag. In all, LBCapt is my alter-ego (I feel like a superhero!). If you go there now, it's just a mirror of this site. Eventually, this will all be run off of that domain.

Anyways, thanks for reading this. I hope I didn't ramble too much or bore you in anyway. Please keep enjoying the site - hopefully as much as I've enjoyed putting it up on the web.

-El Capitan

Oh yeah - TAG! You're it:

JKaye
K
Jefro Ei-El
Z Usman
Face

Finally - Resolution!

That's right folks - Comedy Central will FINALLY be airing new episodes of Chappelle's Show, beginning Q2, 2006!

And it gets better! We don't have to wait that long to see some completely NEW Chappelle! Apparently, a preview of the upcoming half-season will debut during and after Comedy Central's Last Laugh '05, this Sunday!

Click below for more details:



-El Capitan

48 Seconds

I was pretty impressed with the videos I saw around Thanksgiving - those showing how quickly a house can go up in flames as the result of a fried turkey gone wrong.

Now, replace the fried turkey with a dry Scotch Pine tree and some faulty wiring.

Poof!

See for yourself:



-El Capitan

Cruise Kong visits Oprah

The image below can only be described as sheer terror as King Kong pays a visit to the set of Oprah. Click the image to see the footage:



The effects are stunning!

-El Capitan

Decisions...

This kid doesn't know whether to take a crap, or wind his wristwatch... Ok, his decision isn't THAT big, but he's having a real tough time debating whether he'd rather be sleeping or laughing... Check him out:



Me? I'm laughing (although you all know I'll be sleeping soon).

-El Capitan

It's D!

Oh, c'mon - this one goes back as far as Dr. Dre's Chronic, if not further:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
D.
D who?

That's right - Dee's Nuts are finally here! Cleavage filtered, too! Click on the image above to learn more, and order some of Dee's Nuts!

(Yes, there are ACTUALLY nuts to be ordered...)

-El Capitan

The lights are REAL

Not that I doubted it before, but here's the entire Snopes article on the house, the family who lives there, and how they set up that amazing display:



When you're done there, click here for another display from the same house:



-El Capitan

The Amazing Dots

Thanks to Kirsch for sending this one over...

You've got to check this one out... Click on the image below to be taken to a site with a pattern. When looking at the pattern, and make sure to focus on the "+" in the middle. Give it a second. Watch what happens:



So cool!

-El Capitan

The Long Ride Home

Poor Jay Feely. His days are numbered.

For those of you who don't know who Jay Feely is, he's the placekicker for the New York Giants (yes, the football team). Thanksgiving weekend, Jay had a bit of a problem making his kicks. Needless to say, in the three attempts that Jay had to win the game for his team, he missed ALL THREE.

Leave it to SNL to bring the story of Jay Feely to the masses.

Thanks to Gorilla Mask for finding a widescreen version of The Long Ride Home: The Jay Feely Story. Enjoy:



Oh yeah, almost forgot - he missed yet another important field goal yesterday.

-El Capitan

Anybody? Anybody...?

As seen on NewsAskew.com:



-El Capitan

Dance, baby! Dance!

Y'know - I haven't had much of a chance to post lately - been a little crazy since I got back from Chicago... I thought I'd look for something good to put up this morning - at least one good post, to keep me laughing throught the day - and hopefully, you too...!

I almost lost hope. Then, I came across this young lady:



-El Capitan

"I'll bid $1, Bob."

Family Guy does it again!

Ever wonder how those contestants on The Price Is Right who get outbid by $1 stay so calm? What if they didn't?

Let's see:



-El Capitan

Happy Birthday, Babylon!

You young fuck!



-El Capitan

What just happened?

I'm enthralled. Completely.

After watching last night's episode of LOST, some of my questions have been answered... with even more questions.

I'll even bypass the entire Kate/Wayne/Sawyer story, and cut straight to the point.

Hello?
>: Hello?
Who is this?
>: Michael. Who is this?
Dad?

Ok, here's where the fun begins. Upon speaking to Sammy a few weeks ago, he thinks he noticed Michael sitting in the classroom setting of the original, cut version of the Orientation film. I thought he was crazy - until last night.

Anybody notice that once Michael started messing with the computer that:

1) The countdown clock stopped.
2) The computer terminal became a communication device.

Mind you, the Orientation video, once made whole by Locke and Eko, clearly stated that the computer was not to be used for communication with the outside world. But, still, Michael responded to the "Hello" request, and was "shocked" to see a response from what he thought was Walt.

Thanks to Spammy for the next part.

Here's the kicker:



When clicking on the "Alvar Hanso" link within the Hanso Foundation webpage, you are brought to a page with Hanso's image. Click on the image, and you are treated to the image I've posted above. Notice that "Michael" has been replaced with "Mole."

Is it possible that Michael IS a mole (like Ethan Rom and Goodwin)? He's been chasing after Walt all this time, but does he actually already know that Walt is safe with The Others (who looked very much like the scientists in the Orientation film)?

Soon, we'll see. Just not until next year. Fucking ABC and their sweeps... Why do you toy with my emotions?!

-El Capitan