Law & Order: VD

Most definitely the funniest thing I've seen all day - if not all week!

"In the criminal justice system, you're considered especially gorgeous."

Wasn't the world just waiting for Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit Valentine's Day Cards?



God bless creativity, artistic talent, and a fucking sense of humor!

-El Capitan

Everyone else...?

It's just a day full of creativity and talent...

Check out this "video"/Flash animation - simply incredible how far animation - specifially Flash animation - has come in recent times:



(Oh yeah, before I forget - this song goes out to Master Ei-El... Tee hee!)

(Yes, tee hee!)

-El Capitan

Nobody

Speaking of "everyone," have you heard about "Nobody?" Click below to learn everything you EVER wanted to know about Nobody:



-El Capitan

I'll call him "Wrinkles!"

You gotta check see this! It's like the Freddy Kreuger of kittens!



Click above for more pics...

It's so creepy that it's cute!

-El Capitan

The King - NFL Historian?

You know a company has confidence in the ads it's putting out when it dedicates an entire website to the display of said ads (See Starburst).

I'm pretty sure you've all seen the brilliant Burger King spots - those with The King superimposed over NFL highlights of the last decade... If not, or if you're just craving more (it IS The King, after all), click below to check them out...



They've even got the Shula - Cough! Cough! Dolphins suck! (Sorry, something caught in my windpipe...) spot.

-El Capitan

The Whopperettes are comin'!

Eyes will Pop and Jaws will Drop on February 5
-Whopperettes.com

Speaking of The King, Burger King's big Super Bowl spot will be focused on the soon to be famous Whopperettes... Let's hope The King leads them on stage...

Click here on Sunday evening for your dose of Whopperette madness:



-El Capitan

HuuuUUurRrnnnnNNnnNnn!

I need to give big thanks to Marcelo for sending this one along...

How do you say Blog in Wookie? Apparently, it's something along these lines:



Honestly - who DOESN'T love Chewie?

(Now, if only Chewie's webmaster/blogmaster knew how to spell Chewie's name...)

-El Capitan

Stewie Griffin: Talk Show Host!

Thanks to my cousin Matt for sending this one along...

That's right folks - Stewie Griffin will be getting his own talk show to debut on the Family Guy website soon! Click here for all the details:



Sounds like a podcast subscription to me!

-El Capitan

James Lipton does "PopoZao"

You know - it's been a while since I bashed the tandem that I playfully refer to as "Dub-T" (a.k.a. "The Trainwreck" - Britney and Kevin), but today is a special occasion.

For those of you who haven't heard the clusterfuck that is K-Fed's first single, "PopoZao," please enjoy this version, brought to us by Conan O'Brien, James Lipton (host of Bravo's "Inside The Actor's Studio"), and GorillaMask.net:



And, for those sadists out there, here's the original "PopoZao":



What a fucking joke...

-El Capitan

Speaking of jokes...

Sure, we've all heard them before... Blonde jokes...

Brought to us by the web, and the power of blogging, click here to read the absolute BEST blonde joke ever.

-El Capitan

Four Things

I’ve been tagged by Babylon. Damn you, Babylon! Damn you straight to Hell! (Tee Hee!)

Here are my "Four Things":

Four jobs I’ve had in my life:

1. VP, Sales / Cruise-Only Travel Agent
2. Head Shop / Smoke Shop
3. Club D.J.
4. Wrestling Promoter

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Almost Famous
2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
3. Clerks
4. Big Fish

Four places I have lived:

1. Plantation, Florida
2. Gainesville, Florida
3. Cooper City, Florida
4. Buffalo Grove, Illinois

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. LOST
2. Scrubs
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. My Name Is Earl
(I have 21 'season passes,' but these were the first 4 to come to mind...)

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Florence, Italy
2. Barcelona, Spain
3. Oranjestad, Aruba
4. Chicago, Illinois!!!

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Filet Mignon
2. Totino's Pizza Rolls
3. Popcorn
4. Jelly Belly Jelly Beans

Four websites I visit daily:

1. Gizmodo.com
2. GorillaMask.net
3. Digital Bits
4. ESPN.com

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Chicago
2. The Caribbean
3. Italy
4. Best Buy

Four bloggers I’m tagging to do this:

1. K
2. JKaye
3. B-Boy
4. Z Usman

-El Capitan

AngryLeprechaun.com

Does everybody remember the Emerald Nuts commercial from last year?

It was the one where the father told his kid that there were no more Emerald Nuts, when all of a sudden, every other "lie" he's told her comes to life: Santa Claus, a Unicorn, and even the Easter Bunny.

Well, one character didn't make the cut, and he's PISSED!

Click below for AngryLeprechaun.com to check out this little fellow and all of his audition films... I'm sure you'll agree that he should have been there all along...



I love guerilla marketing...

-El Capitan

Chappelle's Show - Season 3

For those who have not seen the preview for the upcoming season (3) of Chappelle's Show during the Last Laugh 2005 special, here it is in all of it's spendid glory:



Can't fucking wait! It's just a damn shame that the man couldn't hold it together long enough to do a whole season... Still, much like my 360, I'll take what I can get...

-El Capitan

Sleepless In Seattle

It's that time again kiddies - Trailer Remix Time!

This time, the movie getting the makeover: Sleepless In Seattle. You didn't know this was a stalker flick, did ya?



I love these things - so incredibly creative and well done!

-El Capitan

My Story

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. So, I'm not fat. I'm just really intelligent, and my head couldn't hold any more, so it started filling up the rest of me!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

-El Capitan

Sex! Sex! Sex!

Got your attention, huh?

Sex sells! This is news to you?

Actually, this time, it's quite literal! From MSNBC.com:

SAN FRANCISCO - Sex.com, long coveted as potentially one of the most lucrative sites on the Web because of its catchy name, has been sold for about $12 million in cash and stock, a source familiar with the deal said Monday.

Click here for the rest of the MSNBC article:



-El Capitan

"#4: Young Chuck Norris"

SNL and The Lonely Island Stike Again!

If you were watching this past Saturday's SNL, you were treated to the latest Digital Short by this team of geniuses - "#4: Young Chuck Norris."

This time, the video features Andy Samberg as a, well, Young Chuck Norris, and Jason Sudekis as pseudo-80's hair metal vocalist, Doug Brogar... Fucking classic!

Click here to enjoy the madness:



And, yes, much like "Lazy Sunday," "#4: Young Chuck Norris" is now available for download on iTunes. You can access the directory with both by clicking here:



Jump the shark? I think not!

-El Capitan

R.I.P. Nice Guy Eddie

Ren: You like Men At Work?
Willard: What men?
Ren: Men At Work.
Willard: Well where do they work?
Ren: No, they're a music group.
Willard: Well what do they call themselves?
Ren: Oh no! What about The Police?
Willard: What about 'em?
Ren: You ever heard them?
Willard: No, but I seen them.
Ren: Where, in concert?
Willard: No, behind you.
Kevin Bacon & Chris Penn, Footloose

Hollywood has lost another big guy this week, as actor Chris Penn was found dead in his apartment.

Personally, I was a big fan of Chris - he always had the best sidekick/supporting roles. I'm sure you'll remember him when he was thin as Willard in Footloose. And who could forget his role as Nice Guy Eddie in Resevoir Dogs?

"Larry... Stop pointin' that fuckin' gun at my Dad!"
Nice Guy Eddie (Chris Penn), Resevoir Dogs

At any rate, here's the story:



-El Capitan

What's your theme song?

It's very rare that I put up these cheezy (yes, I know how to spell) little web apps, but I was so intrigued by the responses from this one that I decided to put it up here, and see what ya'll get when you give it a shot.

Clicking the image below will take you to the Jukebox of Your Life. Enter your birth date into the boxes, and click on the flag corresponding with the music charts you wish to reference. The jukebox will tell you the #1 song on your date of birth! Try again, and plug in the date for your 18th birthday. This is supposed to be the "Theme song of your life." Give it a whirl:



By the way, my songs are:

February 20, 1977:
New Kid In Town - The Eagles

February 20, 1995:
Take A Bow - Madonna

Pretty cool... Let's see some of yours...

And, yes, the month-long celebration has begun!

-El Capitan

Torture

Look up the word "torture" in Webster's dictionary, and here's what you'll find:

Main Entry: tor·ture
Pronunciation: 'tor-ch&r
Function: noun

1. anguish of body or mind : AGONY
2. something that causes agony or pain
3. the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure
4. distortion or overrefinement of a meaning or an argument : STRAINING
5. see picture below

Ok, so #5 isn't really in there...

You just KNOW there's some sort of force field separating the two... Zzzzt!

-El Capitan

Celebrity Day Jobs

Ever wonder what some of your favorite celebrities are doing when they're not being celebrities? This might give you an idea or two:



My personal favorite (besides Mr. Nicholson, above)?



-El Capitan

Burt Flu

What would a Monday be without a visit from the "CDC-Sponsored" mascot, Burt Flu - The Bird With Bird Flu?

"Even though it's fun, NEVER lick a dead bird!"

Sheer hilarity!

-El Capitan

"LOST Rhapsody"

I'm sure you've all seen the Dark Side of Oz, where you pair up the video from The Wizard of Oz with the audio from Pink Floyd's epic masterpiece, Dark Side of the Moon... You haven't? Well, here's what you do:

Stick in your favorite copy of Oz. Before you hit PLAY on the DVD/VCR (you still have a VCR?) stick in your copy of Dark Side. Hit PLAY on the CD (Dear God I hope you're not attempting this on a cassette tape), and pause immeidately, so the first track doesn't start, but is ready. Now you can hit PLAY on Oz. When the MGM lion roars for the THIRD time, hit PLAY on the CD, so that the audio starts. Sit back, and enjoy the magic.

My ADD has gotten the best of me. I almost forgot what I was actually posting about. Apparently, "Weird" Al Yankovic is just as big a fan of LOST as we are... Check out how well his version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody pairs up with the storyline from LOST:



Actually, it's the same lyrics as the original, just at a different pace. And, nobody made a LOST compilation to Queen's version...

Back to the Dark Side of Oz, for a moment... Click here for a list of all the sync-ups:



P.S. I'm SO sorry for the polka...

-El Capitan

Bleep, Bleep

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

In the vein of Chuck Norris Facts (make sure to click that one, too!), click below for the Top Thirty Facts about Jack Bauer:



While you're in the clicking mood, check out this elaborate list of things you'll NEVER hear, in an article titled "What Jack Bauer Won't Say"

-El Capitan

Everybody Wants Some!

Much like those who have come before me - MarkMS (thanks Mark!) and Babylon - I too have been gifted with the power of invites to try Windows Live Messenger. And like those predecessors, I feel it would be only right to distribute mine (all 5 of them) in the same manner.

So, here goes. First five (5) comments requesting an invitation to try this new, fresh, sleek, updated version a classic will recive said invitation.

In the meantime, check out my screencap... Notice anyone familiar?



And, still... GO BEARS!

-El Capitan

No more pouting...

First, let me address the Bears. I am so fucking happy they made it as far as they did... Thanks to those who supported me (as it's such a rarity that the Bears make it this far)... Next year, we win it ALL!

Now it's time to laugh... I need it!

Here's a great way to start... Jay Leno recently set up a fake "Free" photo booth at Universal Studios Theme Park in California... Watch these people's reactions as the photo booth gives them instructions they didn't quite expect to hear:



-El Capitan

O' Cripy, Where Art Thou?

Ok, I'm a dog lover. I've had dogs all my life, and I couldn't imgine the pain of having one run away or go missing.

That being said, if you name your dog Cripy, don't you deserve to lose your dog?



Let's analyze, shall we?

1. You named your dog after a strength/strain of marijuana. (Or maybe the dog is actually crippled/handicapped? One leg missing? Either way, it's just WRONG!)


2. Assuming you DID name your dog after pot, you spelled Crippie WRONG! The way you spelled it should be pronounced Cry-Pee. (Oops - maybe they ARE looking for Cry-Pee? Damn!)


3. Please take note that these posters were hung on a Walgreen's wall. Said Walgreen's backs up to a trailer park (not to alienate anybody, but we all know where this was going...)

If, by chance, anybody does find "Cripy," and is not violently harmed by this scared, confused dog, please call the number on the poster. Tell them that Cripy's gone, and care for the dog in a loving, caring home.

And, for the love of God, change the dog's fucking name!

(A huge thanks to TrippMD for remembering to take this picture, as I actually forgot! Must've been too much "cripy" back in the day...)


-El Capitan

Gummy Bears need love, too!

"Gummy Bears! Bouncing here, and there, and everywhere!"

This page will give a whole new meaning to those words. I present to you, Gummy Bear Sex:



Hey! Don't kill the messenger!

-El Capitan

My Obsession

Please meet my new obsession (at least until there is one hooked up to my TV):



I need. I want. I gotta have!

-El Capitan

Worst. Answer. EVER!

"I've seen a lot of dumb people in my time, but you take the taco!"
-An inside joke that goes all the way back to Camp BCC in 1990

I've seen plenty of Family Feud in my years. I've seen many people freeze when it's time to answer. I've seen some ugly families. I've seen some dumb answers.

This is possibly the worst (read: funniest) wrong answer I've EVER seen:



Survey Says: X

-El Capitan

Corrupted Youth

What better way is there to corrupt America's youth than to have a 7-year old girl (Amelia) and a 9-year old boy(Nick) sing Lazy Sunday? Personally, I can't think of any better way... It's just too fucking funny!

Make sure to listen carefully to what Nick thinks goes well with Red Vines:



-El Capitan

Punch-Out!

One of my favorite games growing up was Mike Tyson's Punch Out! for Nintendo... I'm sure we all remember it...

Sure, we all remember 007-373-5963...
(This was the code to directly access Mike Tyson)...

We all remember how to beat Bald Bull...
(One-Thousand 1... One-Thousand 2... Body Blow!)

And, who could forget King Hippo?

Here, some very talented and nostalgic performers reenact scenes from Punch Out!, including the fights against Don Flemenco (left-right-left-right) and Great Tiger... Enjoy!


I know - lousy screen-cap... I'll work a better one when I get home...

-El Capitan

"Ernie The Klepto"

An update to the Starburst post from a couple of days ago...

"Ernie The Klepto" has now been put up on the Starburst site.

Click here to enoy the Juicy Goodness:



-El Capitan

It's Good To Be The King

You just knew that The King wouldn't go out with normal, non-celebrity types, didn't you? Observe, as The King spends a day with the beautiful, newly-divorced Brooke Burke:



Now I've seen it all... Lucky King!

Anybody betting that this will be a Super Bowl spot?

-El Capitan

Yes, seriously...

They finally did it!

You know the jokes you used to tell as a kid? This one came true:



-El Capitan

Fuckin' Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris will do ANYTHING for love... but he won't do that...

Here he is - Walker, Texas Ranger - singing his heart out... Just for you!



-El Capitan

Are you ready...?

...for some FOOTBALL?!?

I woke up this morning to SportsCenter, as I usually do, and all of a sudden, something clicked inside of me.

Oh shit! What have I done?

While I was away on my cruise, the Chicago Bears CLINCHED the NFC North Championship AND the first round bye in the playoffs! I didn't post about it...

Fuck! This needs to be fixed - RIGHT NOW! Thus, this post.

Plus, don't forget:

NFL Coach of the Year: Lovie Smith
NFL Defensive Player of the Year: Brian Urlacher

So this brings me to my excitement for Sunday... We've already beat Carolina once... All we need to do is take out Steve Smith like the Steelers took out Carson Palmer last week, and life will be easy!

BEAR DOWN, CHICAGO BEARS!



-El Capitan

Clerks 2: The Teaser

I know, I know... I was scooped by the power of Babylon... However, it would be just plain wrong if I didn't post this...

Behold! The Teaser Trailer:



Can't fucking wait! This is the movie Kevin Smith has personally called his "best ever!"

-El Capitan

THE Way To Start Your Day

So, I was strolling the aisles of the NEW Super Target ('Tar-JAY' for those in the know) over at Sawgrass Mills. I call Super Target "The Obscure Grocer," because you find things at Super Target that you just don't find anywhere else. And I'm not talking generic, bullshit products.

Seriously - who else carries Boo Berry year round?

I digress... So, I'm strolling along, and all of a sudden, I'm drawn to the shelf on the right. What's there?



Certainly not "weak sauce."

It takes such small things to amuse me...

-El Capitan

Blame The Juicy Goodness

Starburst has been on a Burger King-like roll with their commercials lately.

First, there was the Baja Fiesta, with the Mariachi band partying in the dude's mouth. They followed that one with the slingshot shot of lemony goodness. Then, last night, we were treated to the latest spot, featuring the klepto.

It really IS Juicy Goodness!

Thankfully, they've begun to put these ads online. The "Klepto" spot isn't there quite yet, but the others are, and they are bloody hilarious! Click below to enjoy:


Just click on the video tapes on the right to watch the videos.

-El Capitan

I needed a good laugh...

Don't we all sometimes?

Before I post this link, let me tell you all that Paris is safe, and there's no threat of this happening to her... EVER!

Now that I've got that out there, laugh your ass off:



Tonight (hopefully) should be filled with tons of posting goodness...

-El Capitan

The Lonely Island

Ok, I promise this will be my last Lazy Sunday post (at least until they come out with Lazy Monday), but in the words of Babylon, we need to "Thank The Maker."

Obviously, we're talking about a different level of Maker here, but we need to give credit where it's due.

The comedy group 'The Lonely Island,' is responsible for Lazy Sunday. The group consists Andy Samberg (he of Lazy Sunday fame), Akiva Schaffer, and Jorma Taccone. In fact, I'll let them tell you about themselves, directly from their website:

The Lonely Island is a group of filmmakers located in Los Angeles, CA New York. They have recently joined the cast and writing staff of Saturday Night Live.

The group was founded in 2001 by Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone and Andy Samberg. The three have been friends since attending junior high and high school together in Berkeley, CA. After high school they parted ways for college (Akiva to UCSC majoring in film, Andy to UCSC followed by NYU Film and Jorma graduated from UCLA Theater.) Eventually they all landed in an apartment in Los Angeles where they resumed filming comedy shorts and christened themselves (and their apartment) 'The Lonely Island'. They have been collectively writing, directing and acting in projects ever since and are frequently joined by their friend Chester Tam and others.

At any rate, click on the image below to go visit the guys. They've got some really funny shit (skits and whatnot) on their site - well worth your five minutes:



-El Capitan

Pokémon!

What do you get when you mix a child (presumably a boy, as the name on record is 'Zak'), a monster mullet, and a horrifying obsession with a fad that is several years past its prime?



All this kid wants to do is be a "Pokémon Master" and "Beeeee Numberrrr Oooone..." Is that so wrong?

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it is!

-El Capitan

Clocky vs. BlowFly

I am NOT a morning person.

Sometimes the threat of Paris defiling the carpet one more time isn't enough incentive to get me rolling in the morning. So, it's not so easy to see why I'm counting the days until I can chase Clocky around my room. Put simply, I think this thing is just too cool.

But wait! Clocky has competition!

Meet BlowFly:



BlowFly is like the red-headed step-child of Clocky. Imagine what you'd get if you crossed Clocky with a Golden Snitch. That's BlowFly. This thing flies around your room making horrible noises until you catch it and bring it down to its base...

And for those of you who have no idea what Clocky is, here's your scoop:


(The Daily sKWeez recently posted an article, as well...)

And here, we thought all they were doing at fancy schools like MIT was making rockets and fancy cereal bowls...

-El Capitan

And now for something lighter...

Ok, so the loss of Blue was NOT a great way to start the New Year... Maybe this video will right all wrongs - one of the funniest things I've EVER seen:



Bloody hilarious!

Like I said below - many, MANY more posts to come tonight and this week, including my cruise report, my personal highlights of 2005, and the usual hilarity you've come to expect from FluxW.com!

-El Capitan

"I see Blue, He look's glorious."

"You're my boy, Blue!"
- Frank (Will Ferrell), Old School

I was all prepared to start this morning, and the year for that matter, with a post about a t-shirt I saw recently... It looked something like this:



And then I saw the news...

"Old School's" Blue Dies

R.I.P., Blue...

Have no fear - much happier posts to come!

-El Capitan