Presidential Abuse

As we have all seen recently, our President is somewhat easily manipulated.

(No, I'm not about to go on some political rant - I learned as a kid to never talk about two things, unless you want to get into an argument: religion & politics.)

Now, back to where I was... My mom actually sent me this fun little Flash app. Left-click on George with your cursor, and drag him across the screen. Let go of the mouse, and watch him bounce and tumble as he makes his way down...Abusing George is fun...

-El Capitan

Beat The Heat!

Let's Go Bulls!



-El Capitan

Don't I know you?

Does the girl in this party line/dating commercial look familiar to anyone?



By the way - my prediction: Michael is BAAAAAAD!! You heard it hear first (well, second if I already told you in person...)

-El Capitan

Talk Dirty To Me...

...but make sure the cleaning lady is scheduled for tomorrow...

My Mom actually sent me this bit of hilarity...

Check out the girls in this promo for "The Shushan Channel," a Purim-themed sketch-variety show up in New Jersey:



This one goes out to The JC and all of my other M.O.T. (Members Of the Tribe) out there...

Sure, it gets a little creepy at the end, but the rest of it is pretty dead-on. Pretty damn funny, indeed!

C'mon, Sammy - you know these are the girls of your dreams!

-El Capitan

Snake Charmer

I wanted to unload a few bits of hilarity on you all before the weekend took hold of all of my time...

First up, this classic bit from the British gameshow, Catch Phrase. The object of the game is to figure out the pictogram (put the pictures together to form a saying) before your opponent. This one, however, went wrong from the beginning:



One of the funniest things I've ever seen...! I still remember the tears rolling from my eyes the first time I saw that one...

-El Capitan

"What's in the box?"

One of the creepiest scenes of all time was the ending to the movie Seven. If only there was a way to make it less creepy? Oh, wait! There is! Let's fill the roles with stuffed animals:

"What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?!"
Detective Mills (Brad Pitt), Seven

-El Capitan

"Son Of Man"

Did I mention I hate being sick? Here's the latest in a progression of Nyquil induced posts:


I just don't know what to say... If I weren't Jewish, I'd SO be going to Hell for posting this...

(But really - isn't it the kid's fault for filming it to begin with?)

-El Capitan

Flashbacks & Racetracks

Being sick sucks. Bad. At least I got my internet back... I just downed a couple of Nyquil Liqui-Gels, but I wanted to get at least one post out before I drifted off to that green-tinted dreamland...

A favorite among the boys (especially of mine and Babylon), check out these two clips from MTV2's genius/sick 'puppet show on crack,' Wondershowzen:

"You're never too young to have a Vietnam flashback."

I can do an impression of you. I can! "Gamble, gamble, gamble, DIE."
- Trevor, "Beat Kids," Wondershowzen

Forget gold... This shit is comedy PLATINUM!

-El Capitan

F'n Comcast!

Well, another week goes by without fresh material - but it's not for a lack of trying. I've got LOADS of great stuff, just waiting to go up on the page. Comcast, however, doesn't want you to see that goodness. They don't want you to have fun. Comcast is like the babysitter in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead!

This will be the second time I've used this today, but to paraphrase Jason Mewes in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back:

"Fuck Comcast. Fuck them up their stupid asses!"

Actually, it wasn't so much Mewes, but the e-mail he was reading from "Magnolia Fan" on the message board at Mooby Burger.

I digress. It's not that the service techs haven't been nice. They've been trying to help. The problem is, however, that the issue HAS NOT BEEN RESOLVED. How hard can it be?

At any rate, I've got yet another tech coming tonight, between 5:00 and 8:00 (Eastern time). Hopefully, this should resolve all issues, and I will be back up and posting.

Until then:

"Stay Tuned, True Believers!"
-Stan Lee

-El Capitan

"I'm the Leprechaun!"

First things first, I'd like to thank EVERYBODY for your support and caring during this past week's events. I truly appreciate all of your help getting through this rough time... THANK YOU!

Now, on to the funny:

Apparently, back around St. Patty's Day, there was a Leprechaun sighting in a rural town near Mobile, Alabama (aren't they all rural in Alabama?). Check out this eyewitness testimony, along with an amateur sketch, so you can help in the search to bring the Leprechaun to justice!

"To me, it look like Leprechaun to me. All you gotta do is look up in da tree. Who else see a Leprechaun?! Say 'Yeah!'"
-Eyewitness

-El Capitan

"I want to poop back and forth."

You ever want to make someone feel uncomfortable in just one sentence? This one is almost sure to do the job...



This one is a little strange... I'm not quite sure why I find this one so funny, but I can't help but laugh out loud on each viewing...

"I want to poop - back and forth."

Speaking of poop - Did you know that they make a lip balm called "Chicken Poop?" They do! Learn all about it here:

.

-El Capitan

It Only Takes A Second...

I think we all need to thank the Federated Mutual Insurance Company for making a risk management / liability video so bad that you can't help but point and laugh... "Stupid video! You suck!"

This is the textbook definition of "unintentionally funny":



The best part? Watch toward the end, as the mother and daughter are driving along, laughing, and frolicking. All of a sudden, the daughter screams bloody murder, and BOOM! Their car collides with another in front of them - exploding! Watch carefully, as the car they hit explodes BEFORE impact! Leaves you to wonder what the hell was in the back of that car, huh?

-El Capitan

Gates vs. Dynamite

Thanks to Mrs. Babylon for supplying this bit of morning fun!

What would the world be like if Bill Gates and Napoleon Dynamite were roommates? Wonder no more! Check out this clip, already! Gosh!



Nobody should ever let Bill Gates dance. Ever.

-El Capitan

Terror Watchlist

I was given this clip from SNL a few weeks ago, but haven't been able to put it up, because I couldn't find it on YouTube or Google Video. Apparently, NBC has put a moratorium on all of their footage appearing on these sites... Thus, El Capitan had to go and get all creative.

Below is a link to my first ever TRULY embedded video (without the help of YouTube or Google), and it's comedy GOLD, I tell ya! I'm working on turning off the Autoplay feature, so for now, it's a link to an external page. It'll be fully embedded soon, but in the meantime, enjoy:


Haid D'Salaami! Fucking hilarious!

-El Capitan

Lightning Bolt!

I had a really awful night last night, and DESPERATELY needed a good laugh this morning...

Sure, I've had my share of fun laughing at geeks over time, but these guys truly take the cake:



Watch carefully... When one guy screams "lightning bolt!" one guy appears affected. When another screams "sleep" or "death," the same is true.

Holy shit! I'm SO glad I never got this nerdified...!

(On a quick side note: Not to get all sappy and shit, but, to all of my friends and family, I love you all, and truly appreciate you all every day. Please don't forget that. Be sure to tell your loved ones the same, as you never know when you won't get another chance...)

Ok, buzz kill over...

There's more fun to come later today...

-El Capitan

Go Gators!

"C'mon, Gators! Get Up And Go!"

A HUGE congratulations to the Florida Gators' Men's Basketball Team, who defeated the UCLA Bruins to become the 2006 NCAA National Champions!

Wanna know more? Click below:





-El Capitan

Give us all your money...!

It's 1978. You're young, ambitious, and flush with cash. Would you give your money to this motley crew?



Oh yeah... That's Microsoft, circa 1978. The bearded maniac in the lower right corner? That's Paul Allen - owner of the NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks, and frankly, all of Seattle. He's worth about $20 Billion.

The geeky kid in the lower left corner? Bill Gates, of course...

Now, give us all your money!

-El Capitan

Shit's On. August 18. Be There.

The crazy weekend has passed... Stories will be told for many years to come... (Fucking toilet!)

I'll be catching up on tons of posts this week... I promise!

In the meantime, August 18 is quickly approaching and cannot come fast enough! "What's on August 18," you ask? Don't you remember? It's Clerks 2! Here's the OFFICIAL Online Trailer:



-El Capitan