Ruh Roh...

Can you say... fucked?!



-El Capitan

Miss Teen South Carolina...

...for the hearing impaired:

Seriously - this makes me VERY nervous for the future... At least she'll be able to rely on her good looks (in a couple of years, when she's old enough to be hot, of course...)

In the interest of keeping at least a few brain cells, please enjoy the once-hot, always brilliant, Tina Fey:

I feel much better now...

-El Capitan

Uneasy (Like Sunday Morning)

I'll concur with the good Doctor Ogo (whom we can thank for this delicious bit of weird) when I say that I'm speechless (and we all know how rare that is!):


-El Capitan

F'n Ron Mexico

For those of you who don't know, about two years ago, Michael Vick allegedly had a torrid affair with a pretty young lady, and left her with "The Herp." The best part of the story - in his dalliance, he used the pseudonym "Ron Mexico." Where do people come up with these things?!

Anyways, herpes is the least of Vick's worries, and the least of what should be inflicted upon him after his latest scandal...

Again, for those who don't know, Michael Vick is making headlines for being charged with animal cruelty and running a dogfighting ring - sending Pit Bulls and other dogs into a ring to fight to the death, amongst other forms of torture.

If you ask me, it's absolutely nauseating, and if he is found guilty, I think he should be hit with the hardest penalties possible. Horrible!

Anyways, the backlash and parodies are starting to pour in, starting with local (to me, anyways) morning show Paul & Young Ron, from Big 105.9, sending their intern/assistant producer/bitch "Oh My God" Mike out into a field with only a dog-training suit, a bunch of meat, and a Michael Vick jersey... Here's what ensued:



Oh wait - it gets better!



This is "Vick's Chew Toy."

A company has cut through small amounts of red tape and verbiage to release what is now known as "Vick's Chew Toy." Formerly known as the "Vick Chew Toy," the doggie revenge device carried too similar a likeness to his Vickness and his Atlanta Falcons jersey, and had to be remodeled... Thus, it doesn't look exactly like Ron Mexico, but it gets the point across.

Paris should be expecting hers on or after September 7... :)

-El Capitan

Call Judd Brown NOW... or else!

So I'm watchin' Good Eats (a.k.a. my guilty pleasure) when mid-show, a local (read: "Comcast-produced") commercial comes on.

Normally I try not to pay much mind to the commercials other than the genius Starburst ads or those spots that run during the SuperBowl "Big Game," but this one in particular, for some reason, caught my ear:

Is he serious?

Does anybody else feel slightly nervous about asking this guy to help them out?

"I'll get you out of foreclosure, and in turn, I'll only take out one of your kneecaps..."

-El Capitan

I can't skate...

...and that's perfectly alright with me!

I always wanted to learn how to skate or surf. I just thought they both looked so cool, and like so much fun. That being said, I don't think I've ever been so happy to have missed out on an opportunity - ever. Not after I saw poor Jake Brown.

What? You haven't heard all the rumblings over the past couple days about Jake Brown? Lemme pick you up to speed (be sure to check this one out before it gets pulled):

"Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy. I love getting struck by vehicles and sometimes I'll kick my shoes off in a fit of joy. I'm fine I'm just gonna go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush."
-Dane Cook

-El Capitan

Guillermo Bourne Ultimatum

For those of you who don't watch the brilliant Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy has a long standing joke with/against Matt Damon, in that every time Matt is scheduled to appear on his show, he is scheduled for the last slot on the show, and subsequently gets bumped for a later date. In fact, to bring you up to speed, here's a clip reel from Jimmy's Anniversary/Salute To Jimmy episode that gives lots of those moments:

Well, now Jimmy has worked his way into Matt's film career, as he's made "arrangements" to have Matt bumped from his own film in favor of a new star, the "younger, hotter, Mexican-er" Guillermo - his parking lot security guard:

¡Clásico!

-El Capitan