Have You Heard? About the Bird?

If this isn't the Second Coming of a Rick Roll, I don't know what is:

and, the absolute best part of the episiode:

EVERYBODY knows that the Bird is the Word!

- El Capitán

Simply Awesome...!

Super Mario Rescues The Princess

Just one of the bits Seth MacFarlane has worked up for his new page over at YouTube. You can spy the rest of Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy here.

- El Capitán

Awk-waaaard...

I've got the good Doctor Ogo to thank for BOTH of the gloriouly awkward videos brought to you today.

First, we'll take a look at a quick little video from this morning's edition of The Early Show on CBS, during which Bryan Adams (you know - the Canadian Springsteen!) declares the TRUE meaning behind the song "Summer of '69." (Note: This one IS ad supported):

Repeat after me: "Awk-waaaard..."

Next, we visit a young Shawn Johnson (you know - the "other" Olympic Gold Medalist). She's got VERY strong feelings about Ortega brand Taco Sauce:

Once again: "Awk-"

Eh, you know the rest...

-El Capitán

(Sesame) Street Cred

I'll tell you what - lately, there seems to be a growing trend of using Jim Henson's furry little friends in as many viral videos as possible. And frankly, they're pretty fucking hilarious...! Here's the best of the bunch (be sure to watch ALL three!):

JKL's Unnecessary Censorship - Sesame Street Edition

(Thanks to Tommy for that one...)

Bert & Ernie Gain Street Cred


and finally...

Hilarious Muppets Bloopers

Bwah-ha-Ha-hahaha-HAHA-ha!!!!!

The air is sweet, indeed!

-El Capitán

Halftime Inspiration...!

No matter how much I loathe Peyton Manning (as a player, not as a person), this is absolutely one of the funniest clips I've seen on SNL... EVER!


-El Capitán

Haikus

From Threadless:


-El Capitan

I.F.H. Mondays

"Uh oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays..."
-Jennifer Jane Emerson (Female Temp), Office Space

In keeping with my Twitter post of last week, I am NOT a fan of returning to the weekly routine, let alone after a long, sick weekend...

That being said, my new friend Jess, sent this one along to let me know I'm not alone (and make me laugh my ass off). Enjoy:

Happy Monday, gang...

-El Capitán

Let's Make A Porno!

Seriously - you could put Kevin Smith's name on a box of shit and fire ants - I'd still start a countdown to the opening...

Behold, the teaser for his latest, Zack & Miri Make A Porno:

While this one is only a teaser (not to be confused with a trailer - there's a difference, per Mr. Smith), I still can't wait for October 31!

-El Capitán

The REAL Kentucky Derby

Soooooooo, one of my kickball teammates spent this past weekend up in Louisville - more specifically at Churchill Downs, celebrating the Kentucky Derby. While camped out at Turn 3, he and a friend decided it would be a great idea to go hopping along the tops of the port-o-potties, racing all the way to the bitter end. For this, we thank them - otherwise we would not have this video to enjoy:

Nice one guys... Please don't die - we need you on the field!

-El Capitán

Adam's 'Secret'

As good as the post below gets, it's still not nearly as good as Adam Sandler's Secret (from his 5th album, Shh... Don't Tell..., which somehow slipped under my radar all the way back on June 13, 2004):

Here's the hi-res version (in Quicktime Format): Secret

I'm speechless... (I know, it's rare...)

- El Capitán

Dos Palabras

I've got two words for ya (and they aren't 'Suck It'):

Zombie Strippers!

Really - does it get any better? Oh, it does...

Jenna Jameson AND Robert Englund!!

Better than that?? There's a trailer!

Madame Blavatski: But - but, what about the girls, huh? They're good girls...
Jessy: They're zombies...
Madame Blavatski: No! They're strippers...!
Lillith: They're Zombie Strippers!

You just can't make this stuff up! For more, visit the official site (yes, this is a Sony Pictures film!).

Where can I get in line??

- El Capitán

I Sit On You, Lint Licker!

From the phenomenally hilarious to the udderly strange...

Babs and Mr. A-OK (Ryan) may not know it, but they had the recent chance to get me hooked on a new guilty pleasure, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! This show is just too strange for words, with various short skits featuring animation and live action stars (including John C. Reilly, David Cross, Bob Odenkirk, and Will Forte).

So today, I lead with one of the strangest bits I've seen on the show:

Now on to the ad game, and the one that's been sticking out in EVERYBODY'S minds (and vocabulary) lately (this one is SFW, although the tone may not indicate it). Here is the extended version:

Seriously - not a day goes by lately that I don't hear somebody referred to as a "Lint Licker" or a "Cootie Queen!"

I leave you today with what is probably the best (read: "funniest," NSFW) bit in this post (one that had me laughing harder the longer it went on) - a video brought to us by Sr. Mario J.:

"Who designed this fucking level?!"

Seriously - I'm crying!!

Until next time, true believers - Stay Dirty (and or Awkward)!

-El Capitán

Revenge, Soap, and Milkshakes

It takes something like this to get me back into the blogospheres...

(Let me preface this by saying that the videos below are worth EVERY second of your time - you WILL NOT laugh harder for quite some time - or at least the next 10 minutes.)

As I've blogged about before, Jimmy Kimmel and Matt Damon have had a little "feud," shall we say, going on over the years. Matt has been invited as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live countless times over the past few years, only to be shuffled off stage as Jimmy conveniently "runs out of time..."

So a little while back, Jimmy's girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, presented Jimmy with a music video she had produced just for him, to let him in on a little something that had been going on in her personal life. Here's that video (as sent to me by Sammy, Ariel, Heather, my mom, and several others):

"She's f*cking Matt Damon!"

Fast forward to last night... Jimmy took the opportunity of a lifetime - his cushy post-Oscar telecast - to deliver a little revenge. And as we all know from the Klingon proverb, "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Here's Jimmy's video retaliation (fucking CLASSIC!):

"He's f*cking Ben Affleck!"

Seriously - that one is like a who's-who of A-listers, right? Like a We Are The World for Gen-Y!

Before I leave you with that, I've got a few other thoughts that have come across my scattered brain lately:

Did you know that there's a difference between a Lotion Dispenser and a Soap Dispenser?

Neither did I - until I had a strange visit to Bed, Bath, and Beyond recently. Part of decorating my new house has been the accessorizing of the bathrooms. I bought a nice looking (and still masculine) set for my bathroom, which included a dispenser that wouldn't dispense. Upon my attempt to exchange said dispenser for a working model, this tasty bit of knowledge was dropped on me. The solution offered by the store manager: "Just dilute it with some water - it'll work fine."

It does, but I still feel a little cheated with my watery-soapy-goo-dispenser...

Can anybody tell me the difference between Durmot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott?
How about Taye Diggs and Tyson Beckford?
And Jon's wondering how to tell the difference between Michael Madsen and Tom Sizemore...
I'm just sayin...

I haven't plugged in my PC in over two months (in fact, it's still sitting in my trunk) - and I'm OK with that... LOVE my MacBook and my iMac...

I'm SO happy to have LOST back!

Finally, a brilliant clip from this past Saturday Night Live (the first back from the strike), and an homage to Daniel Day Lewis' Oscar winner, There Will Be Blood:

"I drink YOUR MILKSHAKE!"

Thanks for your patience... I'll be back much sooner next time!

-El Capitán

Dear Diary...

It's been 2,003 days (yes, seriously) since my last cigarette... Sure, I could use one (especially today), but really - who'd want to break a streak like that??

Just dropping in to tell you all that I'm still alive... A few points of interest:

Irregardless means the same thing as regardless, although the former is not generally accepted... In fact, as I type this, spellcheck is reminding me that irregardless is, in fact, NOT a word, but Webster's disagrees... Likewise - as we learned from The Simpsons - inflammable means flammable.

1.31.08 - LOST has been moved up!!

Every Day Should Be Saturday!

The State is toying with my emotions...

For Jon: If somebody does a quick mood change, they are NOT doing a "Complete 360." A "Complete 180," maybe, but never a "Complete 360." A "Complete 360" would imply that they have not only changed their mood, but returned fully to their original mood in the same fell swoop, and thus would not even be worth mentioning in the first place...

My whole childhood was a lie. First, I had to come to the realization that my mother did NOT invent this trick:

Then, just the other day, I learned that Grenadine (you know that sweet red syrup you used as a kid to make a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers - the one that you now use as an adult in a Tequila Sunrise and various other potent potables) is NOT Cherry flavored. What flavor is it, you ask? It's the oh-so-trendy Pomegranate, and it has ALWAYS been! LIES!!

I digress...

Last week I made my Switch complete, and purchased my SECOND Mac - an iMac (24", 2.8 GHz Core 2 Extreme!). I don't ever remember being so happy with a computer decision! Five years ago, I wouldn't be caught dead speaking those words...
For reference:

Main Entry: moot
Function: adjective
Date: circa 1587

1: deprived of practical significance : made abstract or purely academic

Leaving for my annual cruise next Wednesday on the Emerald Princess. Can't wait!

Before Wednesday comes, however, Monday pays us a visit. There may be HUGE news on Monday... Stay tuned... :)

Enjoy your weekend!

-El Capitan

Groundhog Day

No, I'm not making reference to the classic (and hilarious) Bill Murray movie about getting a second (or third, or fourth, or fifteenth chance to do your life over), although any post would be lucky to have such a topic.

No, instead, I'm referring to the date of Groundhog Day - February 2. February 2, 2008 to be exact. It can't come fast enough.

That my friends, is the tentative date for the LOST Season 4 premiere!

Need a fix in the meantime? Well, you've got a few choices.

First up - the official LOST site @ ABC.com. What's there, you ask? A great NEW video - the Orchid Station Orientation. This one just begins to delve into a little bit of time shift!!

Need more? For the 13 weeks prior to the start of the season, ABC is treating us to Mobisodes - both on cellphones and on a sub-site at ABC.com. Known as the Missing Pieces, these little clips fill in some blanks that we may not have thought about before - just whetting the appetite that much more... (Mobisodes 1 and 2 are up now, 3 is coming Monday.)

Finally, I was playing around a little more on Hulu, and found this great SNL clip, which got me thinking again about the upcoming season:

Now quick - somebody get me to February - NOW!

- El Capitan

Green Team!

Brilliant!

These guys seriously get funnier with each passing day... For those who know their other efforts, but might have missed their first online-only effort, check out "The Landlord" (a.k.a. "Pearl"):

Yes, I purposely chose the version with the Spanish subtitles for my Español-speaking readership - all 1 of you...

-El Capitan

Hulu

This morning, I FINALLY got in on the private beta for Hulu - the new streaming web service from Universal Media (NBC, amongst others)... Thought I'd try to give it a whirl by embedding this clip from the ALWAYS hilarious 30 Rock:

Seriously, how can you NOT love Katrina Bowden (oh, and the show too.. yeah... that's it...)

This can actually be really fun... You can watch an entire episode of a show, embed that episode, or take your own clip from that episode... Here's my first attempt - one of the funniest scenes, from one of the funniest shows on TV - The Office:

"Nailed It!"

-El Capitan

"You're The Best"

Vixy.net is a web-based application that allows you to convert all Flash-based videos (i.e. YouTube, MySpace Video, etc.) into various offline usable formats (MPEG for Windows, Quicktime for Mac, mp4 for iPod or PSP, etc.). Another feature it has is the ability to just strip the audio and convert to mp3 (and we all know where that's usable).

So I was recently helping a friend on his hunt for an mp3 of the song "You're The Best," by Joe Esposito. Many of you would know this classic from The Karate Kid. As iTunes only allows this song to be purchased as part of the entire soundtrack (whole album) to The King of Kong (more on that here), I decided to get creative and look for a video with the song on YouTube (and subsequently convert it to mp3 via Vixy). In my search, I came across this gem:

F'ing Classic!!

-El Capitan

Random Goodness

Just a couple of things on my radar today:

Britney Spears is calling her new album Blackout. Seriously.

It's Kid's Week on Jeopardy. The big winner: a white kid named "Kizzle"

And finally...

Upon watching a commercial tonight for the new allergy drug Veramyst, I read the following line at the bottom of the screen:

The way VERAMYST works is not entirely understood.

Here, check it out for yourself (about 14 seconds in):

Am I the only one who finds this strangely hilarious AND troublesome at the same time?

That's about it for now... More to come soon...

-El Capitan

Sorry, Roger - You Tiger Now!

Every once in a while, there comes along a commercial that just makes you El Oh El... We were just talking about this particular commercial at last night's Florida Panthers home opener...:

"Sorry Roger - you tiger now!"

I think that one's safe enough to file away with this favorite of ours:


-El Capitan

Ruh Roh...

Can you say... fucked?!



-El Capitan

Miss Teen South Carolina...

...for the hearing impaired:

Seriously - this makes me VERY nervous for the future... At least she'll be able to rely on her good looks (in a couple of years, when she's old enough to be hot, of course...)

In the interest of keeping at least a few brain cells, please enjoy the once-hot, always brilliant, Tina Fey:

I feel much better now...

-El Capitan

Uneasy (Like Sunday Morning)

I'll concur with the good Doctor Ogo (whom we can thank for this delicious bit of weird) when I say that I'm speechless (and we all know how rare that is!):


-El Capitan

F'n Ron Mexico

For those of you who don't know, about two years ago, Michael Vick allegedly had a torrid affair with a pretty young lady, and left her with "The Herp." The best part of the story - in his dalliance, he used the pseudonym "Ron Mexico." Where do people come up with these things?!

Anyways, herpes is the least of Vick's worries, and the least of what should be inflicted upon him after his latest scandal...

Again, for those who don't know, Michael Vick is making headlines for being charged with animal cruelty and running a dogfighting ring - sending Pit Bulls and other dogs into a ring to fight to the death, amongst other forms of torture.

If you ask me, it's absolutely nauseating, and if he is found guilty, I think he should be hit with the hardest penalties possible. Horrible!

Anyways, the backlash and parodies are starting to pour in, starting with local (to me, anyways) morning show Paul & Young Ron, from Big 105.9, sending their intern/assistant producer/bitch "Oh My God" Mike out into a field with only a dog-training suit, a bunch of meat, and a Michael Vick jersey... Here's what ensued:



Oh wait - it gets better!



This is "Vick's Chew Toy."

A company has cut through small amounts of red tape and verbiage to release what is now known as "Vick's Chew Toy." Formerly known as the "Vick Chew Toy," the doggie revenge device carried too similar a likeness to his Vickness and his Atlanta Falcons jersey, and had to be remodeled... Thus, it doesn't look exactly like Ron Mexico, but it gets the point across.

Paris should be expecting hers on or after September 7... :)

-El Capitan

Call Judd Brown NOW... or else!

So I'm watchin' Good Eats (a.k.a. my guilty pleasure) when mid-show, a local (read: "Comcast-produced") commercial comes on.

Normally I try not to pay much mind to the commercials other than the genius Starburst ads or those spots that run during the SuperBowl "Big Game," but this one in particular, for some reason, caught my ear:

Is he serious?

Does anybody else feel slightly nervous about asking this guy to help them out?

"I'll get you out of foreclosure, and in turn, I'll only take out one of your kneecaps..."

-El Capitan

Guillermo Bourne Ultimatum

For those of you who don't watch the brilliant Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy has a long standing joke with/against Matt Damon, in that every time Matt is scheduled to appear on his show, he is scheduled for the last slot on the show, and subsequently gets bumped for a later date. In fact, to bring you up to speed, here's a clip reel from Jimmy's Anniversary/Salute To Jimmy episode that gives lots of those moments:

Well, now Jimmy has worked his way into Matt's film career, as he's made "arrangements" to have Matt bumped from his own film in favor of a new star, the "younger, hotter, Mexican-er" Guillermo - his parking lot security guard:

¡Clásico!

-El Capitan

New Office Policy - Swear Jar

The Gordon Group needs a swear jar...

I need to institute this policy SOMEWHERE in my life... If it's not at the office, definitely among the Friday Night Freeloaders:

Can I borrow your pen?
(Silence)
Can I borrow your F*CKING pen?

-El Capitan

Fuck YES!!

It's real!! It's REALLY real!!

"I wanna dip my BALLS in it!"
-Louie

-El Capitan

Has anybody seen June?

Did you know that June was the first month since I started "A Day In The Life..." back in May, 2005 that I didn't post ANYTHING? Pretty shameful if you ask me...

This is just a quick blurb to let you all know that I'm alive and well, and having a great time...

I'll do my best to stop by more often, and get some fun up here to keep you all entertained the only way I know how, by finding some funny-ass shit...

To jump start things, how about "The worst bowler EVER?"


(Video courtesy of Mr. Wrestling)

"Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down..."

(Gee, that bowler looks familiar...)

Thanks for all your patience... I'll see you all soon!

-El Capitan

'Oops..." indeed!

Life just doesn't ever get easier for this girl... Guess who had an Ashlee Simpson moment?

It's your "Lucky" day - you won't have to guess... There's video:


Seriously? Seriously...

Funny as hell? Of course... However, I actually think it would have been MUCH funnier if it actually happened during "Oops..."

-El Capitan

Morale Booster

I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I HATE Peyton Manning. I'm sure he's a good person, but between my love for Da Bears and The Gators, Peyton Manning is Enemy Number 1.

That's why it pains me to post yet another clip from his SNL hosting stint from a few weeks ago.

NBC ran the best of '06/'07 last night, this clip was among those repeated. I didn't realize how funny it was the first time I saw it, but after repeated viewings, it only gets funnier and funnier (especially watching Bill Hader, Kenan Thompson, and yes, Peyton Manning, fall apart into their towels in the background)

Check it out:


It's a little long, but trust me and try to watch the whole thing - it's bloody hilarious, and gets funnier and funnier as the clip goes on...

-LBC

Sofa King!

Here's a little shout to the Freeloaders:



Ahh, memories... They're Sofa King great!

-El Capitan

LBC Trax, Vol. 5 (4.6.07 - GH2 Edition!)

This is gonna be a fun one...

As some of you know, this week brought the latest addiction: Guitar Hero II.

This game is SO much fun... Essentially, you need to hold fret buttons while strumming a strum bar on a virtual guitar - and play notes to some of our favorite songs... Really - you gotta try it... Go to Best Buy... Now!

Want more evidence? Check these out:

David Babylon
Big Irish
TrippMD
and your's truly, LBC

Thanks to Trippster for most of those videos...

Here's where we get to the heart of the matter... This week's LBC Trax (Vol. 5!) is dedicated to my Top 10 Favorite Songs from the XBox version of Guitar Hero II:

-El Capitan

Top 10 (Go Gators!!)

Courtesy of Aaron:

Top 10 Reasons/Excuses Why the Buckeyes Lost (Again)

10. They didn't pay the referees enough.
9. Oden was distracted because it was bingo night at the nursing home.
8. Ate too many delicious buckeye candies before the game.
7. Someone spiked the Gatorade.
6. It doesn't matter because they should have been playing Michigan instead.
5. Too much SEC speed.
4. The team was thrown off by seeing Oden on the court for so long.
3. Couldn't shoot because the game was played in a dome.
2. They didn't want to show up the football team.
1. They were rusty because they had a longer layoff than the Gators.

(Yes, I know it's the football graphic, but it's too damn good...)

-El Capitan

F'n Petyon Manning

I'm not a big fan of Peyton Manning. Quite frankly, I loathe him. First, I had to deal with him in college, when he challenged my beloved Gators (albeit, never successfully). Then, he really fucked me over by earning this year's Super Bowl MVP while twisting the stake in my heart, as my Bears went home empty handed.

Fucking Peyton Manning.

That's why I'm so ashamed that I couldn't stop laughing at this skit from this past weekend's Saturday Night Live, where Peyton works with some kids from The United Way:

"I can't even look at you. You know what? Go sit in the Port-O-Let for 20 minutes. That's right - you stay in there."

"Why is the door open?! Close the door! Stay in there!"

I'll give credit where credit is due - the dude is funny. Or at least the writers from SNL stepped it up this week. Can't give him full credit. No way, no sir...

-El Capitan

"Wrong Sounding Muppets"

Just because it was the topic of discussion at dinner last night... (and because it's funny as shit!)

"Wocka, Wocka... Who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?"
-Fozzie Bear

-El Capitan