Awk-waaaard...

I've got the good Doctor Ogo to thank for BOTH of the gloriouly awkward videos brought to you today.

First, we'll take a look at a quick little video from this morning's edition of The Early Show on CBS, during which Bryan Adams (you know - the Canadian Springsteen!) declares the TRUE meaning behind the song "Summer of '69." (Note: This one IS ad supported):

Repeat after me: "Awk-waaaard..."

Next, we visit a young Shawn Johnson (you know - the "other" Olympic Gold Medalist). She's got VERY strong feelings about Ortega brand Taco Sauce:

Once again: "Awk-"

Eh, you know the rest...

-El Capitán

Halftime Inspiration...!

No matter how much I loathe Peyton Manning (as a player, not as a person), this is absolutely one of the funniest clips I've seen on SNL... EVER!


-El Capitán

20 And Counting...

-El Capitan

Dear Diary...

It's been 2,003 days (yes, seriously) since my last cigarette... Sure, I could use one (especially today), but really - who'd want to break a streak like that??

Just dropping in to tell you all that I'm still alive... A few points of interest:

Irregardless means the same thing as regardless, although the former is not generally accepted... In fact, as I type this, spellcheck is reminding me that irregardless is, in fact, NOT a word, but Webster's disagrees... Likewise - as we learned from The Simpsons - inflammable means flammable.

1.31.08 - LOST has been moved up!!

Every Day Should Be Saturday!

The State is toying with my emotions...

For Jon: If somebody does a quick mood change, they are NOT doing a "Complete 360." A "Complete 180," maybe, but never a "Complete 360." A "Complete 360" would imply that they have not only changed their mood, but returned fully to their original mood in the same fell swoop, and thus would not even be worth mentioning in the first place...

My whole childhood was a lie. First, I had to come to the realization that my mother did NOT invent this trick:

Then, just the other day, I learned that Grenadine (you know that sweet red syrup you used as a kid to make a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers - the one that you now use as an adult in a Tequila Sunrise and various other potent potables) is NOT Cherry flavored. What flavor is it, you ask? It's the oh-so-trendy Pomegranate, and it has ALWAYS been! LIES!!

I digress...

Last week I made my Switch complete, and purchased my SECOND Mac - an iMac (24", 2.8 GHz Core 2 Extreme!). I don't ever remember being so happy with a computer decision! Five years ago, I wouldn't be caught dead speaking those words...
For reference:

Main Entry: moot
Function: adjective
Date: circa 1587

1: deprived of practical significance : made abstract or purely academic

Leaving for my annual cruise next Wednesday on the Emerald Princess. Can't wait!

Before Wednesday comes, however, Monday pays us a visit. There may be HUGE news on Monday... Stay tuned... :)

Enjoy your weekend!

-El Capitan

M-V-P

I don't usually post about Video Games or Wrestling, but:

You know you've made it to the big time when...

That's about as cool as it gets...

And to think it was only three years ago that he was headlining our show...!

But wait...! He's not the only one:

(That's right - that's PWF's very own Justin Roberts - a close personal friend - announcing that match, and standing in the ring!)

Makes me happy to know that they've both done so well...

-El Capitan

Ruh Roh...

Can you say... fucked?!



-El Capitan

F'n Ron Mexico

For those of you who don't know, about two years ago, Michael Vick allegedly had a torrid affair with a pretty young lady, and left her with "The Herp." The best part of the story - in his dalliance, he used the pseudonym "Ron Mexico." Where do people come up with these things?!

Anyways, herpes is the least of Vick's worries, and the least of what should be inflicted upon him after his latest scandal...

Again, for those who don't know, Michael Vick is making headlines for being charged with animal cruelty and running a dogfighting ring - sending Pit Bulls and other dogs into a ring to fight to the death, amongst other forms of torture.

If you ask me, it's absolutely nauseating, and if he is found guilty, I think he should be hit with the hardest penalties possible. Horrible!

Anyways, the backlash and parodies are starting to pour in, starting with local (to me, anyways) morning show Paul & Young Ron, from Big 105.9, sending their intern/assistant producer/bitch "Oh My God" Mike out into a field with only a dog-training suit, a bunch of meat, and a Michael Vick jersey... Here's what ensued:



Oh wait - it gets better!



This is "Vick's Chew Toy."

A company has cut through small amounts of red tape and verbiage to release what is now known as "Vick's Chew Toy." Formerly known as the "Vick Chew Toy," the doggie revenge device carried too similar a likeness to his Vickness and his Atlanta Falcons jersey, and had to be remodeled... Thus, it doesn't look exactly like Ron Mexico, but it gets the point across.

Paris should be expecting hers on or after September 7... :)

-El Capitan

I can't skate...

...and that's perfectly alright with me!

I always wanted to learn how to skate or surf. I just thought they both looked so cool, and like so much fun. That being said, I don't think I've ever been so happy to have missed out on an opportunity - ever. Not after I saw poor Jake Brown.

What? You haven't heard all the rumblings over the past couple days about Jake Brown? Lemme pick you up to speed (be sure to check this one out before it gets pulled):

"Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy. I love getting struck by vehicles and sometimes I'll kick my shoes off in a fit of joy. I'm fine I'm just gonna go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush."
-Dane Cook

-El Capitan

Morale Booster

I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I HATE Peyton Manning. I'm sure he's a good person, but between my love for Da Bears and The Gators, Peyton Manning is Enemy Number 1.

That's why it pains me to post yet another clip from his SNL hosting stint from a few weeks ago.

NBC ran the best of '06/'07 last night, this clip was among those repeated. I didn't realize how funny it was the first time I saw it, but after repeated viewings, it only gets funnier and funnier (especially watching Bill Hader, Kenan Thompson, and yes, Peyton Manning, fall apart into their towels in the background)

Check it out:


It's a little long, but trust me and try to watch the whole thing - it's bloody hilarious, and gets funnier and funnier as the clip goes on...

-LBC

Top 10 (Go Gators!!)

Courtesy of Aaron:

Top 10 Reasons/Excuses Why the Buckeyes Lost (Again)

10. They didn't pay the referees enough.
9. Oden was distracted because it was bingo night at the nursing home.
8. Ate too many delicious buckeye candies before the game.
7. Someone spiked the Gatorade.
6. It doesn't matter because they should have been playing Michigan instead.
5. Too much SEC speed.
4. The team was thrown off by seeing Oden on the court for so long.
3. Couldn't shoot because the game was played in a dome.
2. They didn't want to show up the football team.
1. They were rusty because they had a longer layoff than the Gators.

(Yes, I know it's the football graphic, but it's too damn good...)

-El Capitan

Deja F'n Vu!

Pardon me as I rehash this post from the night of January 8, 2007:


On this, the 3rd day of April (the night of the 2nd, actually), in the year 2007 - The Year Of The Gator - YOUR Florida Gators were crowned the 2007 NCAA Basketball National Champions. AGAIN!

In doing so, the Gators are the first team in NCAA history to have the reigning Football AND Back-To-Back Basketball National Championship teams!

And for the first time in history, they beat the same school twice to do it! (Sorry BRR and Blackie...)

Fucking INDREDIBLE!!

I gotta say it AGAIN:

"It's great... to be... a FLORIDA GATOR!!"

Go Gators!!!

-El Capitan

F'n Petyon Manning

I'm not a big fan of Peyton Manning. Quite frankly, I loathe him. First, I had to deal with him in college, when he challenged my beloved Gators (albeit, never successfully). Then, he really fucked me over by earning this year's Super Bowl MVP while twisting the stake in my heart, as my Bears went home empty handed.

Fucking Peyton Manning.

That's why I'm so ashamed that I couldn't stop laughing at this skit from this past weekend's Saturday Night Live, where Peyton works with some kids from The United Way:

"I can't even look at you. You know what? Go sit in the Port-O-Let for 20 minutes. That's right - you stay in there."

"Why is the door open?! Close the door! Stay in there!"

I'll give credit where credit is due - the dude is funny. Or at least the writers from SNL stepped it up this week. Can't give him full credit. No way, no sir...

-El Capitan

March 30, 2008

Finally... Wrestlemania has come to FLORIDA!!

(Orlando, to be exact...)

That's right kiddies - Wrestlemania 24 will take place on March 30, 2008 at the Citrus Bowl (!) in Orlando, Florida.

The original Flux'ers will all be there (myself included), but here's the question:

Who's marketing the official Wrestlemania Umbrellas? :)

-El Capitan

Is that Journey? It is Journey...!

Honestly - who's ears don't perk up at the opening notes of Journey's classic hit, Don't Stop Believin'?

Apparently singing along to the song makes the strangest of bedfellows (as evidenced in a somewhat recent episode of Family Guy). Here's a prime example:

Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo, and Mr. Belding?

Yes, you read that right. Apparently, at a recent show by heavy metal/hair band throwback rockers Metal Skool in Cali, Romo and Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding, of Saved By The Bell fame) jumped on stage to join the band in a rousing rendition of the classic.

Still sound too weird to be true? Here's the video!

"Just a small town girl - livin' in a lonely world...
She took the midnight train, goin' ANYwhere...
Just a city boy - born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train, goin' ANYwhere..."
-Journey

-El Capitan

The Aftermath

First things first, I'd like to thank all those who came out yesterday, and those who cheered on Da Bears from afar... I appreciate all the sentiments, pre- and post-game...

I hear Arizona is beautiful this time of year... Hopefully Da Bears will be there next year, after this year's heartbreaking loss to the Colts of Indianapolis.

In fact, Super Bowl XLII will take place at the University of Phoenix/Cardinals Stadium - home of the Gators' BCS National Championship win earlier this year...

Now, on to the fun: The Commercials...

First, my top 3 (not necessarily in this order):

Class Mencia:


Rock, Paper, Scissors (Maybe we should try this one at kickball?):


Fist Bumps Are Out:


And one bonus (Don't know how we missed this one last night?):

"Quick, staring contest! You win. you always do..."
- Will Ferrell (as Robert Goulet)

Good luck to everybody on recovering from their "Super Bowl Hangovers." Pictures will be up ASAP.

-El Capitan

Super Bowl XLI

Am I allowed to call it the Super Bowl?

I guess as long as I'm not making any money off the phrase, I won't have any problems with the NFL...

Today is the day! Today is the day I've been waiting for my whole life - Da Bears in Da Super Bowl, in Miami! Does it get any better? Only if I were actually going to the game... (Seriously - where are all of these people buying tickets for $2,500 - $4,500?)

Instead, I'm gonna spend the day with my best friends, cheering on Da Bears, and taking in Lou Malnati's Pizza and Vienna Beef Hot Dogs (shipped directly from Chicago). If I can't go to Da Bears, I'm bringing Chicago to me! :)

And to help celebrate Da Bears appearance in Super Bowl XLI, I've got a few celebrity predictions for you below... Please enjoy:

First, an original (Bob Swerski's Super Fans):


Next, my personal favorite (Bob Swerski's Super Fans - with Michael Jordan):


And, finally, a current perspective (Conan O'Brien):


And, finally, from the Manning family vaults:


Nice fucking Tango, Peyton...

Just over 8 hours to go...! I'll leave you with one last thought:

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Make every play, clear the way to victory!
Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation,
With your T formation.

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
And let them know why you're wearing the crown.

You're the pride and joy,
of all Illinois.

Chicago Bears, Bear Down!

-El Capitan

Bear Down, Chicago Bears!!

CHICAGO – Fantasy and reality merged into one on a blissful and snowy Sunday afternoon at Soldier Field as the Bears advanced to the Super Bowl for the first time in 21 years with a pulsating 39-14 victory over the New Orleans Saints in the NFC Championship Game.
-ChicagoBears.com

Bear Down, Chicago Bears!!

-El Capitan

It's great... to be...

...a Florida Gator!

I know a couple of my friends may not approve of this graphic, but it has to be sent out into the wild:


Maybe next year?

-El Capitan

The Year Of The Gator

At 3 minutes until 12:00 AM on this, the 8th day of January, in the year 2007 - The Year Of The Gator - YOUR Florida Gators were crowned the 2007 NCAA Football National Champions.

In doing so, the Gators are the first team in NCAA history to have the reigning Football AND Basketball National Championship teams!

I gotta say it:

"It's great... to be... a FLORIDA GATOR!!"

Go Gators!!!

-El Capitan

Hail Saban! (and Riley, too!)

It's a good day to be a Miami-hating sports fan...



I LOVE it when the Dolphins get fucked...

That's right folks... Nick Saban is heading back to the SEC - to get his ass handed to him by the Gators...

Speaking of the Gators, please check out GatorMade:


Classic Gator T-Shirts: Made For Gators. Made By Gators. Here are some of their best designs:


As for Pat Riley - he's heading to the bench... giving up on his team once they're not doing as well as he hoped they would... I could have told you this would happen the day he stole the team from Stan Van Gundy (right when they started steamrolling their way to the NBA Championship)...

Today is a great day to be a Bears and Bulls fan...

-El Capitan

Glendale: Here We Come!

Two Bits!
Four Bits!
Six Bits!
A Dollar!
All for the Gators...
Stand up and holler!!!

In a move certain to cause controversy between me and a specific couple of friends (Blackie & BRR), the BCS Selection Committee tonight made the extremely wise choice to place the SEC Champions - your Florida Gators in the National Championship Game against the first-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes...

"It's well deserved, and I'm proud of it."
-Urban Meyer, Head Coach, Florida Gators

Honestly - who's afraid of a NUT?

At any rate, click here for all the gory details:


You guys know where I'll be January 8...

And while we're on the topic of college football, I saw this commercial the other day (for Nissan's Chase For The Heisman), and thought it was pretty bad ass:

Just about every college football mascot is represented...

Enjoy, and GO GATORS (Get Up And Go!!)

-El Capitan

Welcome To The NEW South

A blast from the past:



Babs and I were reminiscing this past weekend...

(It wasn't originally that grainy - you can thank YouTube for that one...)

I still remember the feeling I had watching this air for the first time during RAW...

-El Capitan

This Fucking Sucks

A bet is a bet:

(Verse)
Miami has the Dolphins,
The greatest football team!
We take the ball from goal to goal,
Like no one's ever seen!
We're in the air,
We're on the ground,
We're always in control.
So when you say Miami,
You're talking Super Bowl!

(Chorus 1)
Cause we're the Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins Number 1.

(Chorus 2)
Yes we're the Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins Number 1.

(Repeat)

Stupid fucking Dolphins...

-El Capitan

Revenge?

Or maybe Redemption?

Either way you look at it, today is a HUGE day for me.

As many of you know, I'm a die-hard Chicago Bears fan. As such, I'm currently in the midst of a 21-year grudge against the Miami Dolphins. Why, you ask?

Well, back in 1985, the Bears - then known as "The Monsters of the Midway," - led by Jim McMahon, "Sweetness" Walter Payton, and the toughest Defense ever to play the game - were having their best season - EVER. They were undefeated, and knocking out teams, left and right. There was no stopping Chicago. Then, one fateful Monday night - December 2, 1985 to be exact - on national TV, the Bears were set up to play against the team that had the only undefeated season in history - The Miami Dolphins - a team that had to defend that record.

I won't get into details on the horror that happened that night - let's just say the end result did not favor Da Bears.

Fucking Dan Marino.

Ever since then, not only have I been the Bears fan that I was, but it was one of goals, as a sports fan, to hate the Dolphins - forever! In fact, it's well known by my friends that my three favorite football teams are Da Bears, and whoever is playing the Dolphins and Packers.

So, here we are today. The Bears are facing the Dolphins, in Chicago. Guess what? The Bears are UNDEFEATED!

I've agreed with my friends that if the Bears win today (they are the 13½ point favorites), I will alleviate my grudge against the Dolphins. I can't say that I'll like the Dolphins - I just won't hate on them so much. In turn, if the Dolphins win, it'll only get worse. (And, God forbid the Fins win, I'll put the "Dolphin Fight Song" up here on the site.)

Anyways, if you care for more info on the game, or just want to know more about Da Bears in general, click here:

"Remember, remember, the Fifth of November."
-Evey Hammond (Natalie Portman), V For Vendetta

-El Capitan

Balls, Beer, & Booty!

Did I say I'd post the Founder's Cup results on "July 25?" Well, by
"July 25," what I was actually saying was "August 1!"

We had such a great time last weekend!

First, I'd like to start by thanking The Babylons and TrippMD for making the hike down to Bicentennial Park in Miami to watch the tournament. It meant SO MUCH to have you guys there...

I'd also like to thank Mr. & Mrs. Wrestling, who made it as far as I-395, before the floodgates opened, and the tourney was interrupted...

Last, but certainly not least, I'd like to thank Tracy, Jessica, Maria, Jeff, Missy, Karen, Meena, and The Judds for showing their support for UVL!

Now, on to the results of the Pirate-themed tournament (hence the title of this blog post):


(We are... UVL!!!)
(Photo Courtesy of South Florida Sun-Sentinel /Mike Stocker)

Game 1: AA All-Stars 2, UVL 1
Sure, we lost our first game, but we were so proud of our performance! Going into the tournament, this was the 12th ranked team in the WORLD! To have held them to a 1-run win was a great feat on our part. Cap'n Jon Wickham and Dirty Dirty Trevor had a couple of plays that were so amazing that the AA All Stars AND the referees of the game came over to commend them!



("High Socks" at the bat)

Game 2: Good Times 9, UVL 1
Another loss - this one not as pretty... Something just didn't click, but it's all good... We had an BLAST, and that's what was most important.



(True sportsmanship - members of Good Times carry our own Jonathan Korb off the field after killing his knee making a monster defensive play)

As soon as Game 2 ended, the sky opened up. We literally saw the storm coming AT us over the highway. The next hour was spent under the Beer Tent (YES!) making new friends and partaking in a little Flip Cup.

Game 3: UVL 5, Fozzie's All Stars 3
Once the rain let up (only a little), we got to play in our Consolation Bracket against Fozzie's All Stars... This, by far, was our most fun game - regardless of the water torture that was upon us... These guys were out there to have a blast - just like us.

As a result of our performance in the 2006 Founder's Cup Tournament, UVL is now ranked #15(!) in the WAKA Power Poll, featured on Kickball365.com!



Thanks again to all who came out and those who were cheering for us from their respective locations!

Once again...

We are... UVL!

-El Capitan

Big Weekend!

Scratch that... Huge, HUGE weekend ahead... Good times abound, indeed...

First, we start with Friday. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be working the complete day tomorrow. Mind you, as soon as 5:00 hits, I'm out... I'm stopping home to feed the child (a.k.a. Paris), and then I'm off with the Babylons (and anybody willing to join us) to see Clerks 2 AGAIN!

After the movie, I'll be heading to the usual Friday night destination, however, this time with a different agenda... Sunday is JKaye's birthday, and we'll be celebrating tomorrow night - big time! Anybody who wants to join us is MORE than welcome...

Next, I must wake up VERY early on Saturday morning, but it's for a good reason. Yours Truly is competing in the WAKA World Kickball Championship, right here in Miami!

That's right! If all goes as planned, by Monday, you may be reading the musings of a World Champion... I always wanted to be a World Champ at something! Here's a little blurb about our team in the Official Program from the tourney:


(Click to Enlarge)

Yes, "High Socks." Long story. Let's concentrate on the important part here:

8th Seed!

Much better than we expected!

To read the whole program, and get all the details, click here:


(It's a PDF file, so you'll need Adobe Acrobat or Apple Preview to open it...)

I hope many of you can make it down to Bicentennial Park in Miami to cheer on good 'ol UVL! We're in Game 1, on Field #1, which should start somewhere around 10:00 AM (So damn early! I know!)

That should last all day and night Saturday, and then we move to Sunday...

Sunday, I get to relax, and then help JKaye celebrate his real birthday, although on a much more subdued level...

All in all, I can't fucking wait! Like I said before: "Good times ahead, indeed..."

-El Capitan

Substitutions Can Be A Bitch

Did anybody else watch the Dallas-San Antonio game the other night? Scratch that. Of course you did.

Did anybody else notice Avery Johnson (the Mavericks' head coach) accidentally abusing one of his players on a substitution? Please, indulge:

Knock, knock.
Who's There?
D.
D, who?
Deez Nuts!

And, somehow, they still won.

-El Capitan

The Shockmaster!

This is an inside one for the original FluxW crew:



Poor Fred! It gets funnier every time I see it!

-El Capitan

Superstitious

Sports players around the world have certain superstitions and traditions that they adhere to before, during, and after every game.

Some players don't change their socks or underwear if they're on a winning streak. Some tap their shoes or clap their hands in a certain way, thinking it gives them certain abilities. Some just look up to the heavens, and ask God for help...

Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees (known by many of you as A-Rod), cleans his bat after just about every foul ball he hits. This particular occasion just happened to be caught on camera, at just the right angle to make it post-worthy:



I guess that's one way to "clean a bat..."

-El Capitan